A Hammock for the Dogs?

Hex texted me today. He asked me if I was excited about the surgery as it was now 11 days away.
I said no.
I said this was nothing to be proud of.
I said I was ashamed of myself for having to resort to such drastic measures because I obviously had no self control.
He tried to play the "it's genetic" card but I know better.
I countered with "GENETICS?!? NO ONE IN MY FAMILY LOOKS LIKE THIS!!!"

He left me alone after that.

Why was I not excited about this? This is sort of a life changing big fat (ha) hairy deal...shouldn't I be more excited? I know worrying about any excess skin is part of my trouble. It can be very discouraging when one reads about someone who weighs significantly less than me and has had no less than half a dozen plastic surgery procedures to remove the excess skin after her weight loss surgery. That scares the shit outta me. I know I'll be ok for the most part but what my tummy is going to look like after this is all over with has me quite nervous. I don't want to lose weight too quickly because that's a key factor in that excess skin thing. And I do need to get my fat ass back in the pool, because exercise also helps keep the blob at bay. Everyone says because I'm young and blessed with good genes and have never been preggers I have nothing to worry about. I know I shouldn't worry because there's really nothing I can do about it. I guess in a worst case scenario I can make a skirt out of my tummy skin? Or an apron? Or a pair of capri pants? I can make the dogs a nice hammock, too...

So that's enough negative. Let's focus on the positive, shall we?

My friend Shanon e-mailed me today and her message really lifted my spirits. I've been big for so long that I've forgotten what it's like to be "normal". I've forgotten some of the things "normal" folks take for granted...things like:

public restrooms - some stalls are so small there's no room for my purse
diner booths - i always opt for tables in restaurants for obvious reasons
flying - i'm terrified of being charged for two seats
smaller vehicles - my cousin got a mazda 3...today? no way.
movie seats - i only go where the arm rests lift up
furniture - each day i'm terrified my office chair is going to give out
laundry - imagine washing denim sheets...
towels - i use a beach towel at the gym because it covers everything
medium - the concept of medium seems like world peace at this point
soap - the more body you have to wash, the more soap it takes to wash it
parking - i won't have to drive in circles stalking folks for close parking
jewelry - i can wear regular jewelry!
pedicures - i can paint my toenails like a normal girl!
six flags - i can ride any ride i want at six flags!
seat belts - i can comfortably wear a seat belt without losing circulation
posture - i can stand up straight without extra weight!
shoes - i'll lose a shoe size or 2 so i can buy them at normal stores again!
rx - no more blood pressure meds!
$$$ - 1/2 a cup of food is cheaper than 3 cups of food...
bed - we have a queen right now and it's just too small...right now...
shame - people avoid looking at you when you're big; like it's contageous...

Having every single thing I put into my mouth scrutinized is probably something that will never go away but I know my family does it because they love me. I can live with that.

Now about that liquid diet...I didn't even last one day. I read many articles and "liver-shrinking diets" that bariatric surgeons put their patients on prior to surgery and they're just very low carb diets. So I'm drinking a bariatric shake for breakfast and having a zero carb lunch and dinner. If I want to snack I have a sugar free popsicle or another shake. I do not feel guilty and I have no problem lying to my surgeon. I will probably do an all shake day tomorrow, though, and let Don have McDonalds. I can always snack on some cheese or something. Let me tell you, that first day did SUCK. I wanted to rip his lips off because he was chewing and I sat there drinking that stupid shake. I wanted to chew something, too! So I ate cold turkey hot dogs and some baby bel cheese. I felt like a junkie. See, the problem isn't the liquid...it's the sweet. I've never been one who has to eat sweets daily. I crave salt. Anyone will tell you...Don's always threatening to hang a slot block over the bed for me. So having 3 to 5 sweet drinks and ZERO salt was just too much for me to handle. Tomorrow I'll try protein drinks and salty snacks. I'll let you know if it works.
Until then,
PAX,
margo