Shrink-a-Dinky Doo

i went to my first appointment with my new shrink today. he's cool. i like him. i fired the last one because he was condescending and kind of a jerk. this one is cool. i got the feeling that he was actually paying attention. don went with me to the appointment and helped a lot. i forget things so he fills in the gaps. we both walked away with the sense that my adhd is more of a detrement than the bipolar disorder. i got what i needed, though...a prescription for lithium and a prescription for adderall.
hello lover...

we also discussed my upcoming visit to lapband camp. he deduced that based on symptoms we discussed, i probably do have sleep apnea and he gave me a card for a collegue of his that performs sleep studies. he understood my reluctance to take sleeping pills because of the "anna nicole smith" type hangovers they have on me, so we opted out of xanax. he asked if i thought i could stick to the regimented new way of eating once i had the procedure. he asked about my weight issues and my recent weight gain. i explained that the majority of the weight gain is from the seemingly unending depression that has me in its claws of doom. i know i'll lose weight when i'm properly medicated - i always do. maybe not a significant amount but at least 25 to 40 lbs which works for me. that amount compiled with the weight loss from the low carb diet i'll be on a few weeks prior to surgery should be a nice little jump start to a healthy new me.

it's all coming into place, isn't it? it's happening - it's really happening! i'm really going to get healthy! now if i could master that lotto number-picking thing...

good night and good mental health!
pax,
margo

Nuclear Winter

the annoying "cheerleader" that was at hector's seminar last night who kept lifting up her shirt so people could feel her port and see her new (yet still unusually fleshy) belly said something interesting that night...she said, "expect people you thought were your friends to be so jealous they never speak to you again. expect your friends and family to try and sabotage you because of envy or control issues they have."

wow. that's pretty cold. but i can see it. i did it. when margie had her lapband a couple of years ago, i was so jealous my pupils looked like daggers. i am a bitch. i don't think that anymore. it's a fat girl thing, i guess. i can't explain it. when our friend marie had gastrick bypass and i found out she was forcing herself to eat double cheeseburgers that same week, i was secretly happy. i didn't want my fat girls to be skinny because i'd be alone again. am i a bitch? does that make me a horrible person? jack's ex-wife, smellanie, had gastrick bypass surgery and used to stand out on the smoker's patio at the chase call center and openly target anyone 50 lbs overweight or more and announce, "no one who weighs more than 250 lbs is happy. they couldn't possibly be happy because i wasn't...blah blah blah" when i saw her, i'd turn my back. i was openly a bitch to her just out of spite. when jack told me she gained all of her weight back and then some i couldn't have been happier. am i facing a nuclear winter of kharmic retribution because of past behaviors and evil thoughts? i love margie and i'm so happy she got healthy! i'm even going to see her this weekend with sylvia so they can give me the real scoop on dr.c and the procedure. i'm still glad smellanie's a cow, though, but for a zillion other reasons.

still can't find my keys...anyone wanna help me look?
:)
pax,
margo