Appetite of Destruction

so let's discuss the appetite of destruction...i am always hungry. i don't know why, i just am. it's annoying and destructive and expensive and dangerous and i can't stop it. obviously, i don't have worms because if i did i wouldn't be fat, nor would have i have this lion's mane of hair. i drink a lot of water to make myself full but that doesn't really work very well (obviously). i tried eating 3 square meals but found i was still hungry...like, really hungry before, during and after each stupid meal. 5 little meals didn't work either. i think we're up to 3 slightly bigger meals and 1 - 2 little meals per day or something. i eat when i'm bored. i eat when i'm depressed. i eat when i'm hungry. i eat when don eats. i eat when my boss buys me lunch. i eat when i'm cooking. and for some reason, every day at 5pm sharp the hunger pangs start. i am posessed by hunger.

i don't know how it started but i've always been like this, as long as i can remember. i finally started recognizing the problem and making better choices about what i eat (most of the time), but only just recently. instead of getting a spicy italian with extra cheese on cheesey bread at subway, i now get a turkey melt with swiss, tons of veggies, spicy mustard on honey oat bread - 14g of fat - not bad for a footlong! i also traded in large cokes for unsweet tea and full-fat chips for baked lays. but that's just a single drop in the bucket. i'm still getting double quarter pounders with cheese at mcd's but not nearly as frequently as i used to.

portion control is all tied in with this, too. when i make sandwiches at home, i eat 2; one just doesn't cut it, so i quit making sandwiches at home. i know it sounds really bad but we don't eat chips with our sandwiches so there is that...i don't eat that much at dinner, really, but i do have a pretty good sized lunch during the week.

and then there are the cravings...i have cravings like a pregnant woman! i crave milk, i crave salt, i crave sugar and usually all at the same time. i know all women have cravings, whether they admit it or not, but most have the willpower to supress or ignore them. i am not one of those women. for example, i just ate 3 of those toaster strudels for dessert and fed 3 to my husband. and not just any toaster strudels, boston cream pie toaster strudels with vanilla pastry cream and chocolate icing. and a pint of milk. moo moo moo

i don't think it would be so bad if i got off of my big fat butt and moved around but i seem to always be tired and achey. to make matters worse, i have a very sedentary job and am expected to stay at my desk and not move while fidel is in the office. he wants me glued to my pc and phone the entire time i'm clocked in, even through lunch. by the time i get home, my legs ache from sitting in a chair that's too low (is a big problem when one has legs as long as mine) and my ankles are so swollen they're numb. i am in bad shape. i know i need to get back in the pool but timing is a little difficult with don's store having low season hours and trying to get dinner out in a reasonable amount of time. i must try harder. i will. now i need sleep. i bid you good night.
pax,
m