A Port in the Storm

so i had lapbandlunch with margie and sylvia, the original lapbandgeeks (o.l.g.) and i learned some stuff:

first, no drinking anything 30 minutes prior to meals.
second, no drinking anything during meals.

that's gonna be tough.
i drink a lot of fluids, soda, iced tea, water, ginger ale, beer, cocktails or whatever.
i drink a lot of fluids.
i am actually more thirsty than i am hungry so this is going to be a lot harder than i thought. i know eventually i'll get used to it but that initial change will be difficult. i think i should start now. at brunch today, margie nursed a cup of water and sylvia drank nothing. last time we lunched, we all had margoritas. i didn't want to drink today, at least not margoritas, anyway - but i am still jonesing for some stout. margie also shared with me the problems she's having eating meat. she can really only eat chopped steak/hamburger as everything else is too dry and makes her ill. :( and i learned that after the liquid diet (which i like) i will get very ill transitioning back to solid foods. joy! i love soup and wouldn't be bothered by consumme/broth for breakfast+lunch+dinner one bit but it's not realistic. or healthy. they also emphasized the need for chewing each bite more than thoroughly and the importance of waiting 1 minute between bites - apparently, eating one's food with wolfen-like zeal can cause problems that mirror heart episodes and nobody wants a heart episode, even if it is just indegestion.

and then it was time to freak margo out.
do you know what a lapband is or how it works? allow me to give the quick and dirty explanation - it's a silicone band that gets wrapped around the uppermost portion of the stomach and has little pockets/balloons filled with saline that the doctors can adjust to allow or restrict food intake. how do they get the saline in there, you ask?
i'll tell you.
the band is attached to a long tube, not unlike one attached to an i.v. and that long tube has a port on the end of it, about the diameter of a quarter. that port is what the doctor injects the saline into to adjust your band. so, is it hanging there, out of you like a dongle? no. it's inside you, stuffed inside your muscle. WHAT THE HELL!?!?!???!? i told sylvia i wanted to feel her port because i sorta need to know what i'm getting myself into, so she lifted up her shirt and showed me where to find it. AUGH! AUGH AUGH AUGH HOLY COW OMG OMG EWW ICK ICK ICK!!!!! it scared the SHIT out of me! it's like a floating bottle cap inside of your body!

but the more i think about it, the cooler i think it is! i'll be like a cyborg!
i can't wait to freak out the kids and my grandmother with it!
i'm excited!

wanna feel my port?

ok, that's all for now...
oh and we found my keys! the sofa decided to eat them and some of lilly's chew bones so we had to perform emergency sofa surgery this evening.
YAY!
pax,
margo