How I Got Here

So you're probably wondering, how does someone wake up 200 lbs overweight? Denial has a lot to do with it. I started seeing some problems when I turned 18 and it's been downhill ever since. I've tried several diets: Weight Watchers, Low Carb, Vegetarian, Curves, low fat, low sugar, you name it and nothing worked. They actually made the problems worse. Last year I decided to swim and ease into a vegan diet...the swimming was great but the vegan diet never even got to ovo-lacto! I started craving salmon to the point where I would watch black bears on NatGeo and envy their fishing skills! I was ready to grow out the toenails and catch my lunch like birds of prey! And naturally, being a beach bum with no beach, soon as it got cold outside, I no longer wanted to swim. (Now that it's getting warmer, I'll be back in the pool next week!) Since October, I've gained 25 lbs (not the 50 I originally thought) and my clothes don't fit and I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I can't wear girl clothes and all of my beautiful, sexy shoes are all sitting in my closet in boxes, bored. Alone. Unused. Meanwhile, I'm wearing flip flops, Crocs and Nikes. How sexy!

So how does one let their weight get so out of control? I don't know. Every body is different. No two bodies are the same. I can't speak for your wives, daughters, sisters, cousins, girlfriends, and they can't speak for me. All I know is I've always had a really big appetite and I'd be a chubby kid, then I'd have a growth spurt and stretch out. It was when I stopped growing that the giant appetite caught up to me. When I turned 40, my thighs looked like someone injected 80 gallons of jello underneath my skin and I knew something had to give. But it wasn't just the appetite that did it...somewhere in there, I contracted e.coli which caused the early onset of arthritis. A couple of car accidents later, more pain and less mobility and the weight just kept coming on. My legs hurt all of the time, my knees are shot, my ankles swell and I'm always tired. Imagine walking around carrying an extra 200 lbs with you all of the time. One would think I'd be physically stronger, huh? It doesn't work that way. It just makes you hurt and be tired all of the time. Additionally, I'm also unable to sleep like a normal person. I worry about having a heart attack in my sleep or a stroke or something and I wake up all the time. I'm pretty sure it's sleep apnea because Don says the snoring is getting really bad, too.

One thing you might not know is that I am bipolar. I've been off all meds for over 18 months, too, which accounts for some of the sleepiness (depression) and eating crazed amounts (depression) and swimming like a fish (mania) and obsessing over diet and exercise (mania). My friend Jack told me to call his shrink for an appointment and I'll be there on the 11th. I know once I get back on my meds I'll be in a better place to cope with the major lifestyle change that accompanies the lap band procedure. February is a big month for me...new shrink, first appointment with lap band doc, mediation for the e.coli lawsuit...and hopefully that car accident lawsuit will payout, too! Oh and hubby just reminded me - our 4th wedding anniversary is in February, too! Tickets to Gabriel Iglesias and dinner on the river (we got married on Valentine's Day because I am horrible with dates. Part of the reason for the blog is to remind me of my appointments!)

I'm off to play Mafia Wars on Facebook - gotta get Cuba done.
Pax,
Margo