right said red

i am obsessed with red lipstick.

obsessed.

today alone i bought 3 - one new one and 2 backups because revlon is 40% off at walgreens and they have a fabulous matte lipstick line. i'm on the hunt for another one, too - besame cosmetics has some fabulous lipsticks that are inspired by the red lipsticks of the golden era - 30s, 40s and 50s. they are gorgeous! and julie hewett also has some vintage-inspired lip colors that look pretty authentic. not sure if mail ordering lipstick in texas is the best idea so mac's russian red, viva glam 1, and my new palette of revlon reds will have to do until i can get my hot little hands on the others.

so why red when all i've been wanting to do is blend in to the sheetrock?
because i feel like a girl again. i care about what i eat, i care about my health, i care about my looks and how people see me and i was not born to blend in. anyone who knows me knows i was born to stand out...to be noticed...to stand apart...and i've been living in the shadows way too long.

red lipstick alone won't help me stand apart, though...i cannot imagine how...retarded i would look with my uncolored hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, no make-up apart from the red lips, oversized sloppy t-shirt, loose capri pants and dirty orange crocs? yeah. i'm gonna pass.
i also bought some red nail polish and false eyelashes and even new shoes and clothes! yup - i'm making myself over. last weekend, laura took the hedgeclippers to my greek eyebrows and mom gave me 2 mary kay lipliners and an oil-free moisturizer to help my dried out skin. next week we go back to the gym because eating right isn't the only thing i need to do to look good. i love the iconic style of the 40s and 50s but the clothes don't look good on you if you weigh 359 lbs so after the surgery and a decent amount of lost weight, i'm diving into retro-land. my hair is already naturally wavy so i don't have to mess with that but i do need to learn how to pin it up in victory rolls and so forth but one step at a time. i need to learn the eyelashes first. i won't post any pictures until i've lost some more weight, but i will do it.
have a good night,
margo

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes...

the meds are really kicking in. the need to tell the world my business is dying (thank you lithium) so i've been blogging less and less. still, though, it is a cool thing i have here so i'll keep up with it as much as i can.

i like most of the changes that i'm experiencing but i do miss the fun, funky, quirkiness and, dare i say it, the mood swings...though i doubt anyone else misses them...i've started paying way more attention to what i eat (i'm sure my nutritionist will like that) and i really don't miss eating the bad stuff. i've started taking better care of my skin and actually taking my makeup off AND moisturizing! my mom is so pleased! oh and i've started wanting to dress like a girl again instead of a shlub...don't get me wrong, i just bought a pair of a&m crocs and you'll have to kill me to get my orange ones away from me...but today i went shopping for girl clothes, inspired after a visit to my closet. i found all kinds of stuff in there i had forgotten about so i bought some coordinating pieces to mix and match what i already had. and that brought about a closet cleaning expedition where lo and behold - i found a forgotten nearly new pair of black bandolino leather sandals that go with everything! yay! win win! i even spent saturday afternoon polishing all of my silver jewelry then sunday i had the batteries in my watches replaced. the only thing left to do is polish my nails and color my hair and i'd really rather leave that to the professionals. memory still sucks, though...lost my lab rx so i'll have to tell the doc to wait another month for my levels but...nobody's perfect.

have a great night, everyone...
m

Cheater Cheater, Pasta Eater!!!

it should be painfully evident from the title of tonight's rant that i've been unfaithful to my diet and nutritionist. i was too nervous and nauseous to eat so i blew off lunch until it was too late. i got a huge craving for pasta. and where can one get pasta quickly when one's husband doesn't want anything even remotely pasta-esque? the mall, of course. north star mall food court was the scene of my crime tonight. i had lasagne and pizza and a coke. i tried to have some kind of pink pasta but it was like noodles and spackle so i tossed it. i ate like a wolf. wolf wolf wolf. wolfen like zeal. damn. i had no shame, either, til now. now i'm wishing i had eaten a whole mess of fruit instead but regret is a feeling i am most familiar with. i've been pretty good so as long as i keep that "goodness" about me and remember to eat the way i'm supposed to, i'll not have too many more moments like tonight's.

so why the nerves+nausea? tomorrow's my endoscopy. and after working at primarily primates and listening to the vet and hearing how dangerous anesthesia can be and how the hardest part is waking the patient up is, i'm scared shitless. i haven't had anesthesia since i was 17 having my tonsils taken out. what if i don't wake up? please make sure daisy sniffs my body if i die. i want to be cremated and have my ashes spread at port aransas (be sneaky because it's illegal).

on that note, i shall go. i have but 1 hour and 45 minutes left to eat or drink anything until tomorrow afternoon. i need a vitamin water.
wish me luck!
m